Blagablog to peepz

There are few things in life that are harder on a person than the time when they realize that the love they have worked so hard at, and spent so much time on, is finally over. For some, this realization is a complete shock and for others, they have seen the writing on the wall for some time now.

Breakup signs are often very difficult to spot, primarily because the people involved often do not want to admit that the relationship has failed. And unless something comes along and hits them in the face, telling them it’s over; the natural tendency is to try to work through the problems. This happens more so when the couple have been together for a while.

The question that remains, therefore, is at what point do you really know that it’s over?

First lets start with the glaring signs that the relationship is over:

1. You catch your partner in the act of having an unforgivable affair.
2. Your partner uses physical violence against you.
3. You argue non-stop about everything. You can’t agree on anything.

The above are obvious, any of the three things occurring above, ESPECIALLY NUMBER TWO, are sure signs that the relationship is coming to an, often abrupt, end.

There are however some other signs to look out for. Sometimes it is necessary to accept the painful fact that the relationship you are in is just not good for you. While I am usually the staunchest advocate for the "you can make it through anything as long as you have love" club, even I have to admit that there are situations where one or both of the partners are just better off apart.

The most common instance of this is when one partner is INTENTIALLY holding the other partner back. When two people have separate dreams and goals, friction can occur, especially if neither of them are willing to compromise. In some instances, however, jealousy leads one of the partner’s to be excessively controlling of the other. In these situations, if they are UNRESOLVABLE, it is better to leave than stay.

Other reasons to leave include:

1. You realize that you don’t love your partner.
2. You find yourself thinking more and more about how good single life was.
3. You realize that your partner doesn’t love you, but is with you because they don’t want to hurt you.
4. You have no common interests or goals.
5. You find that you cannot stand their annoying little habits, and they won’t change.
6. You find it impossible to be yourself around your partner.
7. Your partner cuts you down, makes you feel bad about yourself, and constantly devalues your goals and ideas.

Under no circumstances should anyone stay in a relationship that is bad for them, just because they feel that being in a relationship, even a bad one, is better than being alone.

One of the most common questions we get asked at Lovingyou.com is "How do you know if it is really love?" Well, as you can imagine, this also happens to be one of the most difficult questions to answer! Love is such a strange, wonderful thing that nobody really has codified what it is yet. And to further complicate matters, there are so many different kinds of love: the love you feel for a friend, a family member, a sport or even a pet. This is such a crazy emotion that there is absolutely no way that I can definitively answer how you know it is love… but I am going to give it a try!

Now, in order to find out if you love someone, the basic place to start would be to ask yourself, do you want to be with them? If the answer to that question is no, then it really can’t be love. When you love someone, you want to be with them. Not just be with them, but share everything with them. You have a great day at work and want to rush home and tell them every wonderful thing that has happened. You feel excited at the prospect of just being in their company, just being close to them isn’t enough, you want to be a part of them, a part of their life forever. You can’t stand the thought of being away from them yet, when you are, you still feel that ever-present bond that ties you together wherever you go. You can almost feel what they are feeling. You feel like, with a little bit of effort, you can see what they are seeing and think what they are thinking. It is almost as if you both can occupy each other’s bodies with complete trust and harmony. That to me is love.

Now, on the other side of the spectrum, there are a host of emotions that people confuse with love. One of the most common is lust. There is a difference between wanting to sleep with someone and wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone.

Being overly dependent on the other person is also not a part of love. Some people fall into the trap of thinking they love someone just because they are afraid to be alone. They have become dependent on the other person for so much that they don’t know how to make it on their own, or they would much rather be with someone than no-one.

This leads to the old cliché, in order to love someone else, you must first learn to love yourself. Well, we’ve all heard that before, but what does it really mean? It means that you have to be confident in your own ability and your own judgement. You really have to like yourself and know what you have to offer another person. There is no way that you can love another person if you are so stuck in your own hang-ups that you bow down and propitiate to the other person. That is, you do anything they ask and agree with everything they say out of fear that they will love you less because you don’t do those things.

Basically, the question of whether or not you are in love with someone is pretty cut and dry: you either are or you aren’t… and deep down, you know the answer. You just have to trust yourself to recognize it.

Sometimes, even though you would hate to admit it, some friends should never become couples. While each relationship is different and almost all obstacles can be overcome, here are 5 situations in which you might want to consider just being friends.

#1 Your future goals are completely different.
Future goals play an important part in any relationship. If you are ambitious and your partner is not, then there may come a time when you realize that there is quite a gulf between you. The experiences of today, shape who you will become tomorrow. With the gulf in ambition, there could come a time when you just grow apart.

#2 You have different core beliefs.
Every couple needs to have some basic common points of agreement in order to succeed. These "agreements" could be as simple as you both know you want children, or that you both have similar moral values. While different points of view are often healthy for a relationship, some differences maybe a little too difficult to bridge. If you cannot find workable comprises to these differences, then it would probably be better to just be friends.

#3 Your relationship is purely sexual.
While sex is an essential and integral part of any relationship, a relationship built solely on sex is probably not going to go far. When "your place or mine" sums up the extent of your conversation then you really should consider just being friends… with a few benefits here and there.

#4 One of you is more committed than the other.
One of the hardest situations to deal with is when one partner is obviously more committed to the relationship than the other. It may be because one loves the other more, or it could be that one of you is just not ready to make a commitment yet. Such situations often cause resentment to build up, probably on both sides. If this is happening to you, consider cooling it for a while until you are both ready for the next step.

#5 You were more loving as friends.
A friend of mine once described the relationship between himself and his ex-wife as "great friends that should never have gotten married." That got me thinking and I realized that, with relationships come responsibilities and expectations that are not present between friends. If these added responsibilities and expectations are causing you to spend more time arguing and fighting than loving, then you might want to go back to what was successful for you… just being friends.

Remember, deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship is not a decision to be taken lightly and every relationship is different. The chances are, if you are reading this article then you probably are having a few doubts about your relationship. When making your decision, make sure you are not just having a "bad relationship day" and make your decisions for the long term. The above situations are just some guidelines to help you on your way.

i have some qoutes here that some people out there can really relate to the message…

"A heart breaking isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling.. And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you.."

"Sometimes change is what’s best, letting your heart break, and learning how to cope."

"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.  ~Robert Southey".

miss u all peeps!!